life's woes

I really don't get some people.

Take Kevin for example:

Being somebody's friend involves supporting them and not going against their morals and try to turn them away from their religion. This includes (but is not limited to) saying, "Lauren if you break up with Ryan are you going to go atheist again?" or, "Lauren I liked it better when you didn't believe in God and you cussed and everything..". And also, if you would like to resolve what ever problems we may have in our friendship, you don't mouth "f*** you" across the classroom and cough into my face and hit me with your backpack. Yeahh.

There's also the fact that you accuse me of lying when I clearly explained the circumstances. Last Wednesday I told you there was Bible Study, which I thought was happening but was later informed that it wasn't because of the lack of people that day. When I told you there was Bible Study, you turned around and told me to go away. Fine, so I did. But there wasn't Bible Study and so you got mad. All right, well that's swell. If you at least listened then it would be nice.

The next day there actually was Bible Study, so you got mad at me again. The next day, the French people were there and I went to go talk to them and you got mad again.

Then you called and blew up at me claming that I lied about everything. Fine.

Now, I do realize that I've treated you like crap. Most of it is intentional. You see, I have this problem with letting friends get too close to me. I don't like it when people get too close to me because I am the type of person who needs an escape route and who needs air and breathing space and when people get too close to me.. yeah. I do apologize though; but I do ask you this... why on earth are you still friends with me if I treat you like such crud? I am just causing you to become depressed and cut yourself. I will never be the friend that you need or want. So, for my sake and yours, please move on.

Perhaps I am being too mean. But I also do not understand why you continue to alert me and "discreetly" inform me that you are cutting (or slicing, as you like to call it) and yet when I show any concern you start cutting anymore because you're worried that I'm going to go off telling mommy dearest. Okay, well, I wasn't planning on it, but perhaps you should tell mommy dearest and get some help because goodness knows you need it. When I start to tell you that you shouldn't because I am concerned for you well-being, you start yelling at me. Don't go talking to me; you're the one who almost got me to cut myself just for the experience. I do not want to hear it and I am sick of giving out the pity and attention that you are constantly vying for that will get you no where.

Also, this whole religion thing? Respect it and live with it, because let's face the facts: you may be willing to give up anything for me, but that is not the case with me. Maybe I am just a mean and harsh girl who doesn't deserve to have any friends whatsoever. If that is true, so be it. But when you try and get me to turn my back on God just so I can be the old and unique "rebel" that I used to be because you thought I was more fun that way, do not expect it to happen. If this is what you want; if fun is what you want, then I cannot give it to you.

Which is why this friendship should probably come to an end. Or slowly deteriorate. Die out. Whatever you want to call it, I can't take it anymore.